one year that has passed in vain...

and i'm back :)

After almost one year I’m back ;) rewriting in my blog .A lot of things happened in all this time but i will not start by doing a resume of all the things that happened in the last time we will do this slowly if comes to the subject even if some things have a lot of importance for my future.
I change a lot and I guess I will continue to change...life change us and my life in the last time bring a lot of changes ; it’s been more than 2 years now since my life begin to change and I don’t know when it will stop or if one day I will can find again the calm inside me. I’m tired of being stressed all the time because I don’t finish with one stressful thing that another one comes along .
it was a full year with sadness with happiness(even if sometimes I believe that are more sad moments than happy moment and that the price for the happy moments it’s not worthy ) . I must admit that it was nothing at all how I imagined. I was disappointed in a lot of aspects but life is like that we never receive what we want we need to conformed our self’s with what we have to can be really happy it’s something that I still must work on it ‘cause I can’t turn away at the first barrier that comes along not after all the importance of the decision that I took coming here and because my hearts insists …my ungrateful heart doesn’t let me to let go not yet .I hope that all this will worth the try and one day I will can be proud of me of what I accomplish and what I have to don’t have the impression that all the decision that I took were bad and my life was in vain.

"I love you and that's why I will take care of you."

Maybe reading these lines you will have the impression that you discover everything is in my soul but to be really like that?? yes it's true that here are some thoughts down on paper but I think it will still remained always something unsaid, unwritten just thought .Maybe you think that you'll understand all if you read between the lines, you may suspect it but you can not be sure never .Always I've tried to see behind words, because even if we expose our thoughts there will always exist thoughts that because of fear or other reason we have decide to keep them for us, maybe after a while not even us will remember them but they exist (which will remain only as a thoughts ).
I always considered that communication is extremely important and I'm susceptible most times .I believe it's more important what they are saying by deeds ,gestures than by words ;sometimes is easier to say what the one next to you wants to hear ;but in all cases those words come from deep down ? so it is good if that words are accompanied by actions …
Saddens me when I see people around me who think that if a person does not care taking care of herself they can do it instead. How wrong can they be and how we deceive ourselves considering that this is possible. If we don't take care of us nobody will even if there are people who think they can do it.
Ask yourself are you always 100% honest with those around you? Do you have not tried to hide something never knowing that those around you will not understand or will not agree with you about that? I'm sure you all do this sometimes.
"I love you and that's why I will take care of you." Really? How this will be possible if are hidden from you things .Sometimes we consider ourselves intelligent and most essential things escape from our sight .Do you really think it is possible to take care of a person over its desire to take care of her .you better contribute to a cause in giving a reason for her to take care of herself .and still an essential thing if you really love a person make her happy by giving to her the little things that she needs to be happy in her simplicity and its way of being not by trying to give the moon from the sky and by trying to change her and to make her love the same things as you. This it is not love is selfishness and this way you can lose it.
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Life...

so we struggle to achieve many things like we will live forever.Sometimes I think we just forget that we all leave this earth sooner or later and that's why we need this situations around us to wake up us to the reality and realize that today you are but tomorrow we may not be and we must be careful in the decisions that we take to don't regret anythig at that moment and then to be too late.Unfortunately those who leave too soon are still people we need and those who are very important to us, but life is strange and even if sometimes in those moments of anger and dispair we start to realize in time that it was for our good and those situations unfortunately are necessary to shake us a little because maybe we had taken a wrong road.My life was full of situations that I considered a cross too heavy but I had concluded that if these things will had not happened i will not get where I am today. Although in this last month of my life there have been plenty of news that saddens me and make me think more deeply about life in the same time I had and the fruits of my work of last year and now I should enjoy the result though some are a little shady because of some not too pleasing news like hearing that for some loved people the journey ends here but us the ones who are remaining we must continue with our own journey.

Luis Fonsi-Seria Facil

Si solamente con llorar se remediaran los problemas
Seria fácil
Si en cada lagrima se fuera la nostalgia y la tristeza
Seria fácil
Si con dormir cambiara todo en una noche
Si al despertar ya no existieran todos los reproches
Seria fácil vivir
Oooh, seria fácil

Si no doliera el desamor y del amigo la traición
Seria fácil
Si se pudiera detener el tiempo y nunca envejecer
Seria fácil

Pero no es fácil ya lo ves
Somos humanos
Sentimos todo y no podemos evitarlo
Hemos nacido por y casi siempre por amor es que lloramos
No es nada fácil si se tienen sentimientos
Porque la vida no es como un libro de cuentos
Y el que no siente su dolor es solo por una razón
Porque esta muerto

Hemos nacido por y casi siempre por amor es que lloramos
No es nada fácil si se tienen sentimientos
Porque la vida no es como un libro de cuentos
Y el que no siente su dolor es solo por una razón
Porque esta muerto

where our life is heading?!

I still can not believe that i finished with all the exams and it remained only my License.I remember how a few months ago i was looking with fear ahead and i was thinking that i will never see the light at the end of the tunnel but know i can say that i start to see the end of all this.
Slowly and quikly at the same time have passed this year.On one part i'm happy seeing all I have accomplished but looking depper around me i sense a great sadness realizing that destiny seems unfortunately to put us throut a new attempt less or i can say not at all pleasant.Slowly we are approaching to the end of a stage of our lives and of course this can bring some sadness and nostalgia but the circumstances make all this more sad than could be.
We say goodbye with the hope that we will not lose the friends we've gained in these years and life will reward us in some way for our efforts.They say that the friends from college are the onens who will stand on your life and even if our lifes need to take on separate ways and the distance will occur even then we hope our friendships will remain the same.
In this moment I also put myself a lot of questions "In what direction our steps are heading? Where I'll be tomorrow and looking back thinking of all this what fellings will brig?...???

life is a circle...

"Go Toward the Light" is the saddest movie that i ever seen and it's making me more sad when i remember that it was inspired from a real story.

Some memorable quotes:

Claire: It's the hardest thing anyone could ever have to do, to help someone that they love die.

Claire: Most people see life as straight line and the longer the line, the more we think we have lived and the more hold we suppose our lives to be. But I learned from Ben, life is a circle... Ben died on July 4th 1986, a few days after his ninth birthday, a brief one-hundred-and-eight months after he was born. It's the hardest thing anyone could ever have to do, to help someone they love die. But we, as parents, had to help Ben face death; without pain, without fear and, ultimately, without us. Ben's line was short but his circle had no beginning and no end...
Ben Madison: Grandma, would you be mad at me if I died?
Margo: Of course not.
Ben Madison: Do you think Mom and Dad would be mad at me?
Margo: Honey, you didn't do anything wrong. They could never be mad at you.
Ben Madison: But they've had me so long, they'd miss me so much.
Margo: Of course, they would miss you. But they love you very much and they could never, ever be mad at you.
Zack: Grandma, I saw a little ghost in my room.
Margo: Aww, that wasn't a ghost. Come here, come sit with me. You must have had a bad dream.
Zack: Uh-uh, it was Ben. He told me he's not gonna hurt any more. He came to say goodbye and that he loved me.
Ben Madison: I'm gonna die, you know?
Jeff: Hey, don't say that.
Ben Madison: Why?
Jeff: Because you don't know that for sure.
Ben Madison: Yes, I do.
Jeff: Are you scared?
Ben Madison: No.
Jeff: Hey, wait a minute, this IV is all tangled.
Ben Madison: You'd make a good doctor.
Jeff: You think so, huh?
Ben Madison: Yeah, and I've known a lot of doctors... My mom and dad told me that when you die, you don't hurt anymore, and it's not scary because somebody you love- somebody who's already gone- comes to meet you. But you know what I think? I think that if you want to, you become a guardian angel for somebody special, somebody really special. Maybe I'll be a guardian angel for you.
Claire: [watching the terminally-ill Ben hold newborn Danny] I'll never forget how the two of them looked that day, as if time had stopped for one brief second while they criss-crossed each other's paths. Danny, just entering this new experience... Ben, growing toward the next. My heart took a picture.
Claire: [as Ben is dying] The veil is getting very thin. Can you see the light? Go towards the light, Ben. Go towards the light.

Anniversary of first meeting

a year since our roads have crossed for the first time. I would lie if I say that this year had past quickley because the last months spent away from each other seem to last forever and the time that need to pass until i will see you again it seems to me like an eternitate.un year but more than half of that time thousands of kilometers apart.apart but still together as you told me one night and that was recently.despite all this period is not one of the most beautiful just the hope that someday we will be together gives me strength to continue.
You don't read and i like that and even if you will read in a few months will no longer have any sense will be too late: D so I can afford to write my thoughts without fear.you ask me a few days ago why always seem that i'm tired and sad.The answer to these questions is very obvious at least like that it seems to me because i know myself but for the others may not realize quite so easily my reasons even if there are plenty of reasons for my sadness...
in this moment i speak with you.you don't even realize how much means this to me to know you here even if you are so busy that everytime you find and other things to do when you spaek with me.i wonder when we will be together it will be the same?you will be to busy to give me a bit from your time it will exist days when you will be to busy or to tired for realize that i'm there?but at least I'll be there on the edge waiting to act if needed.'ll always be there for you even if I have to act in the shade. for me it does not matter anyway you have given me more attention than I expected and if one day I will remain a shadow in your life then I will be grateful for what I received until that time.